My dad retired in 2021 after practicing as a veterinarian for about 287 dog years.1
A human-year or so later, he realized he missed being a vet, so he un-retired and went to work part-time at a local veterinary clinic.
As one would expect, veterinary medicine has undergone significant changes in 40 decades. My dad knows a lot of “old school” techniques that aren’t taught any more. As a result, he’s become a sort of mystic guru amongst his younger colleagues. If you’ve seen the ER episodes where Alan Alda guest stars as a former M*A*S*H unit doctor, you’ll understand what I mean.
So it happened that my dad was telling me how there was a small dog who came in with a urinary tract blockage. Modern veterinary medicine determined surgery was the only option.
Benjamin Barklin Pierce, DVM, had an idea. It was old school, but it worked. Blockage removed. Surgery avoided. His colleagues were amazed. And this was just the beginning…
Months later, and I mean months later, I was in Chicago for work. It was the night before I was to return home, and I was hanging out with a few coworkers, slap-happy and tired from the week. My dad came up in conversation, as one coworker had a dog-related question. I regaled them with the story of how my dad’s old-school method saved the day.
Here is the text I sent my dad at 8:30 at night. And remember, I am slap-happy and a few beverages in. No “hey dad,” no “hello.” Just this random text. And my father, of course, DELIVERS:
Me: Remember when you told me that story about gently squeezing a small dog to remove some kind of blockage or they couldn’t pee or something? And it had a name that sounded made up…and the other vets didn’t know about it? And you did it and it worked? I realize this is very vague but do you remember?
My father without skipping a beat: Voiding hydropropulsion of small urinary stones.
[And then he goes on…giving me instructions, like he’s giving me his recipe for banana bread, as if I have a small dog with urinary stones in my hotel room at that very moment.]
Hold dog vertical. Stones will gravitate to neck of bladder then [sic] express full bladder.
Me: [Instantly erupting into wheezing laughter with my fellow slap-happy coworkers, recovering just enough to ask a clarifying question] Does it work for both male and female? Also, my coworkers are very impressed that you were able to figure that out from my vague description. [rolling laughing emoji]
Dad, once again, completely non-plussed, as if his oldest daughter asks about obscure veterinary procedures on the regular for her illegal hotel vet clinic: I would only do it on female dogs. Short urethra.
[End conversation.]
By this time, I had nearly peed my pants from laughter-induced voiding hydropropulsion. And to this day, my coworkers and I will randomly blurt “Hold dog vertical” to each other.
And so, the name of this blog was born.
- 41 human years. ↩︎